Listening To Our Bodies
By Katie Wise, Marriage and Family Therapist Associate; Supervised by Terra Mattson, MA, LMFT, LPC
Our bodies are loud. They have a lot to say if we pay attention. They often give us the first signs we are burning out before we get there, and, just as often, we ignore them. Learning to listen to our bodies is like paying attention to the warning lights on a car. Once the engine light goes off, it says something’s off and we need to care for it for our safety. We slow down, get under the hood, and attend to what is off so that our car can function properly and reliably. If we don’t, we could have significant issues down the road.
Listening to Our Bodies
We listen to our bodies in the same way. Our bodies give us “warning signals” that tell us something’s off. When we slow down and attend to those signals, we can bring healing or repair before we hit burnout or things get much worse in our mental, emotional, physical, or relational lives.
But, Why Listen to Our Bodies?
We become better emotional regulators. When we listen to our bodies, we can respond instead of react. We widen the gap between our emotion and the action we take; we do fewer things we regret later.
We become wiser decision makers over time.We invite curiosity instead of certainty; instead of jumping to conclusions, we give ourselves more time to widen our gaze and see the whole picture.
We live with integrity. We give ourselves an opportunity to stay connected to our values; we are more likely to respond to others with honesty, patience, care, kindness, and in the best of who we are and want to be.
We bring our best to our most important relationships - when it’s hardest. Paying attention to our bodies helps us listen before defending or lashing out when our spouse does something that hurts our feelings. It helps us cool down when our child is crying uncontrollably in aisle three so we can help her do the same.
Slowing Down as an Emotional Discipline
Slowing down and listening to our bodies is an emotional discipline. It’s an intentional practice of creating space between how we feel and how we respond. And it is just that - a practice. Rather than being something we are naturally born with, it’s a learned skill that requires practice and repetition, like doing reps at the gym to build strength.
When we slow down and listen to our bodies, we can attend to our needs; give our best to those who matter most; and nurture our values from a place of thoughtfulness.
If we chronically ignore what our body tells us, the emotional cost can be great: we grow irritable and angry towards people we love; isolate; develop feelings of anxiety or depression that keep us up at night; or burnout at work.
Slowing Down as a Spiritual Discipline
Slowing our minds and bodies is as much a spiritual discipline as it is an emotional one.
Getting into regular places of slow and quiet recalibrates us to God’s pace. We get in trouble when we move too fast for too long - suddenly, we find ourselves with several warning lights going off at the same time and struggling to slow down to fix them. His pace helps us stay healthy.
Slowing down also helps quiet the noise of the world and the busyness around us so we can hear His voice more distinctly. We can lean more into truth and who He says we are; we gain clarity about His way and are nourished by His presence and character.
Practical Ways to Slow Down
So, how do we actually listen to our bodies?
Slow down.
Find a quiet place where you can be alone and undistracted; leave your phone in a different room or turn it off completely. Take some deep breaths to slow your body down.
Scan your body. Notice sensations
Gently move down your body from head to toe, noticing each body part. Don’t try to change anything - just notice what body sensations stand out as you slowly move down.
You might notice hot or cold sensations; tension; butterflies; tightness; difficulty taking full breaths; a clenched jaw; fidgety feet.
Name emotions that are held in the body.
See if you can put an emotion word to what was felt in the body. You might notice tightness in your chest and call that “overwhelmed” or fidgety feet as “nervousness.”
Give it a number for intensity.
How strongly we feel a sensation in our body is often an important cue for what we need. Give your sensation a number from 1-10. For instance, you might give the tightness in your chest a “7.”
Give it a voice.
Give the emotion a voice - what would “overwhelmed” say? Overwhelmed might say, “It’s too much. I can’t handle all that I have to manage.”
Identify needs.
Ask, “what does overwhelmed need?” Spend some time here. Just see what comes. Overwhelmed might need a day off from work, time with a friend, or a long bath.
Advocate for that need.
The true wisdom of listening to our bodies and needs is that we, well, listen to them. Decide how you can practically meet that need that day if possible - how much time you need, when you will meet that need, who you will invite in to help you do this, and so on.
*Steps adapted from Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace by Terra Mattson
If you struggle with burnout, feel chronically exhausted, or suffer from the side effects of a busy or difficult season (such as depression or anxiety), our Living Wholehearted team of counselors is ready to provide compassionate care and support. You don’t have to navigate hard alone.
To schedule an appointment, email Katie directly at katie@livingwholehearted.com.